Emotional Abuse

I’d been in toxic relationship few years ago. He told me to not do this and those. I was not allowed to hanging out with my friends. He told me to stop doing my hobby. I have no one to talk. Nobody warn me that all of that wasn't good. I have no time even for myself.

Even after I broke up with him, I felt I was not good enough. I was already cut him off from my life quickly but I think I got affected his negativity.  The realtionship that I take after that was also end up with tears and I cant stop blame myself about it.

There’s a part of my life that I became
anxious, insecure about a lot of things. I thought everything which not happen as I expect or planned before was my fault. And ironically, I dont realized it.

One day, I met someone who have some problem with me, I felt not alone anymore. I have someone to talk. He's smart, I think. I like his prespective and I can't deny that I adore him. But, maybe I fall to deep. For the first time I saw him look into my eyes, the only thing in my brain was “We will heals each other, we will.” I think we both didn't try to change each other. Thats why I felt safe.

But that's the beginning. “There’s something wrong with him, but it isn’t your job to heal him. Don’t doubt yourself and your sanity, because he’s playing with your mind. Don’t get trapped.” I don't blame him. I should notice the unhealthy signs, and save myself first. I think we just end up hurting each other.

(the way I healed will be written in other part, maybe)

I wish I knew about emotional abuse earlier. I'm gonna say sorry for everyone who got hurt or affected by my negativity in the past. I hope you find a peace, love, and absolutely find yourself.

Today I feel much better. I surrounded by positive people, positive vibes and positive live. Let’s learn to love ourself first! 💛

I wrote this inspired by here.